Empty Fields

memories float past like dust.
2weeks ago soo recent.

no frolicking.
no skipping.

my field is empty

i no longer hear the happy sounds of
laughter, joy, and good times.

my field is empty.

i remember a younger time.
now dissolving into the abyss.
i always knew it would come to this.

my field is empty.

in the center of the grass i lay.
imobilized. unmoving. but breathing.
ill take it all in. like the first breath. like my last.

my field is no longer empty.
theres me.
center, with the help of gravity.

Unrequited Love

i get so
sick of this.
im so done.
all these things keep me on the runn.
but im stopping now.
i dont quite know how.
but i will.
cause i cant go on.
im not that strong.
all i want is you.
but all you want is her.
and ill still be here
its what i do.
i wait, and wait, and wait for you.
i hate it.
but i say its fine by me.
i cry a little when you dont see.
i feel like we are more than friends
but when you mention her my fantasy ends.
i hate her.
she isnt me.
she makes you smile
and makes you frown.
i keep you up when she make you down.
i hate her more.
shes still not me.
but shes exactly who i want to be.

A cry for HOPE

^{to cope with anything}

<sup>we mask our pain
constantly, secretly



in the rain
we walk






alone as we take the steps
towards excepting who we are



i cant change
no
i wont change


dont try to make me
let me be me

dont yell at me please
im fragile
i did not do anything


why do you yell at me
still your words enter my brain

haunting
teasing

i want to be in the rain
where you cant see my cry
my tears blend in


like tiny drops from a cloud
ill try to forget again



pushing,pulling
im the rope in
tug-o-war

i want to be special to you

something more than i am
but i cant

i am nothing
just a speck of dust
in the world today

behind these brown eyes
is someting new
something even
I havnt discovered yet

its my awakening
its beginning

will you join me

i push my tongue to the roof
of my mouth
what am i trying to say

its soo close
its coming


its here


Hope

ive said it
ive released whats within
Hope
ive said it again




this magic word
this thing

can i change it
can i change myself



my happiness is soo close i can taste it


judge me
for despite what i want i am
here to be judged


hate me
its happened before

like me
be MY friend
know ME


LOVE me.
ill try so hard to love you



how do i lable this
my jumbled words..
ive said it before
should i say it again??</sup>

<sup>ill ask for it one more time

HOPE</sup>